The Little River Band

Becky and I got to go see The Little River Band in concert in the desert. They are one of those bands that those of us who were kids in the late '70s early '80s can sing along with very easily. The guys obviously love their jobs, have a great time on stage and do a fabulous show. I'm going to try to insert a music link like I've seen on some of your blog sites... And, if LRB ever comes to a venue near you - you should go - its a good time!

"Reality"

The other day my older teens/20 and their friends were watching a movie my 13 year old wasn't allowed to see. I made the comment to the girls, "This is such a dark story". One of them replied; "It's reality, mom!" And I said, "perhaps it is for some, but most of us do not experience a reality that is so without hope."

And it makes me wonder. What is my reality? When it begins to feel that nothing is working out the way I planned. When my faith takes a back seat to my fear. When I forget how very much I am loved. At those times, in the wee hours of the morning when I am tempted to give in to the lie that my sins are still being held against me... I forget that "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus".

So what is my reality??

Time Warp

I've noticed something in the last couple of weeks as I begin to familiarize myself with the world according to blogspot.com. Most of you are mothers of relatively young children. I suppose that's because so many of the stories we can tell are cute, funny, and even if they do involve "poop" or "throw-up" they're still poignant and bring smiles when our kids are little. Too, many of you are stay at home moms who are incredibly gifted and creative in your parenting. I love to read the stories of your days. In some ways, it makes me quite nostalgic. The simple time of staying home with small children. And then I read a post about having a dirty diaper on the floor since yesterday, and a sink full of dishes and I snap out of that revelry...
Mine were 5 in six years. When we moved to Hawaii "field trips" became part of our daily routine. We'd head for the beach most days. Sami had just turned one and was the best little napper. We'd get her set up and then the other four and I would hit the water to body surf or snorkel. The only time I ever gave them Cheetos was at the beach. The orange stuff always would come off in the water! Drip castles became works of art. Japanese tourists took pictures of the kids (they were all blond in those days). Some days we'd just go to a local pool. Or the Honolulu zoo - admission was free for the Keikis (children) and practically free for their Kamahiena (local)mama. One of our favorite things to do was to visit the mall in Pearl City. Two shopping areas "Uptown" with stores like Dillard's, Macy's, etc. and "Down Town" with various pop culture stores, were connected by an elevated train. You could see the ocean from up on the tracks - and for 25 cents a piece, the kids and I rode that thing. Whenever friends or family came to visit us we'd always do the hike up behind the university of Hawaii. Moanolua? Can't remember the name. But it led through the rain forest, a stand of bamboo, and to a beautiful waterfall splashing into a jungle pool. It always felt so good to jump in after that hike. We'd bring hard boiled eggs, rolls, oranges, and usually some m&Ms.
I can remember standing in the kitchen of that first house in Millilani with Sami in the backpack while I cooked dinner and the other four sitting on these GREAT old bar stools we found coloring. I remember my mom giving Paul "Brother Bear" when he turned four - a huge stuffed animal as big as he was. Since he was never gonna have a human brother, it gave him someone to wrestle with! So many great moments of time.
Thanks, mothers of youngin's for reminding me of all the beauty of those days...

Favorite Things

Yes, I am copying cousin Katie's idea here. I'm not a big picture taker though, so unlike her blog, I will not be including photos (if you know me at all you know most of the pictures I have were taken by mom, or Becky, or one of my girls...). Too, many of these "favorites" are not really photographic.

Perhaps one of my most favorite things right now is the (cp)pss meetin' a couple of girlfriends and I hold one of our front porches. (there are annoying dogs in the back yards...) We gather in jammies after kid drop-off and drink coffee and solve the world's problems. Or at least commiserate with one another. It always leaves me with something to contemplate as my friends are wise and funny women. Too, we sometimes have society meetings with Molly and Hanny and their pals in the evening. This adds a whole new level of fun and insight to the group.

Another great pleasure for me is talking to my sister Becky on the cell phone while we do chores "together". Laundry, dishes, floors, dusting... it all seems to fly by when I get the chance to visit with my best friend and laugh and (sometimes)curse, and plan, and reminisce...

I like drinking coffee with Chris in the morning and praying together before he leaves for work each day. The time with the Lord is powerful, because even if for one reason or another we're crossways with each other, there is a safety in the presence of eternal love that enables us to remember we're on the same team. I also like playing backgammon with my hubby - although to be honest, he usually wins!

And, can I just say, I really like my kids this year?? Okay, sounds weird, but the truth is there are some stages of their development that I'm so glaaad are finished! Right now, they are five of the most interesting, sweet, funny, and encouraging people I know. There are rare occasions when all seven of us (and only the seven of us) gather round the table to break bread. And I love it. Usually this happens on an odd school night or Sunday morning brunch... (we try for it at least three times a week - but usually someone or the other of their friends joins us.)

And that's another thing. I really "dig" their friends. (How's that word for a blast from the past??) I like that they're comfortable to drop by for coffee, or pop, or supper, or a movie, or hot tub night... I like that they're each unique and on a quest to discover who they want to be. I am humbled and honored to get to share a small part of the journeys of these amazing individuals.

As I glance back over this list I see that almost every paragraph has something in common - my simple pleasures have a lot to do with conversation. The word in the Bible for this kind of connection is fellowship. And that happens at church, right? So, does that make our home a sanctuary? I do hope so.

About "Drama"

As the mom of four teenage girls and a woman who likes to dissect her own feelings, I've experienced drama of many forms over the past few years. Some of it over clothes, some of it over boys (okay, often over boys), some of it over lunch tables, some of it over sleep overs, sometimes its about friends making bad choices, or making bad choices ourselves, sometimes its about parents (me!) or teachers being too strict or not strict enough, and sometimes it seems like its about nothing at all - girls just get bored.
The one thing that these incidents have in common is emotions gone wild. Like reality tv shows where young women flaunt their every disapointment and the more extreme the reaction the more vindicated they feel, the women (moms and daughters) of a small town sometimes fall prey to the temptation to let everyone know how outraged/hurt/betrayed/angry/martyred/ and most especially, JUSTIFIED they are to their pain.

The thing is, the pain is real. Love runs deep.

The thing is, real women experience deep emotion.

The thing is, we have a choice to make when we're in the midst of an emotional explosion (whether happy or sad).

The thing is, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to respond to those strong emotions.

So what do we do when a storm of deep feelings sweeps into our hearts and leaves us windblown and unanchored? Or, when a friend comes undone and drags us into the attempt to pull herself together?
I think there are probably as many answers to these questions as there are women to respond. Here's my thoughts:

First, we need to acknowledge that we all need/want/are designed to crave/ acceptance. When, for whatever reason mentioned above or any other issue, we experience loss, it HURTS!

And that pain can cloud our vision. It can drive us to do and say things that we don't really mean, but that allows us to take the focus off our own bleeding for the time it takes to cause someone else to bleed. It can lead us into a depression that skewers everything we look at and makes us believe that we'll never feel "normal" or we'll never be enough, or we'll always be too much...
And when a friend is in the midst of a crisis of the heart it is tempting to come to her side and swing angry words and ugly gossip. It is tempting to try to comfort someone's pain by causing pain...

But that pain can also lead us into a deeper understanding of the human condition and especially the emotion that unites us as women. Ultimately, we do have choices. We can choose to validate ourselves and our friends in the midst of deep emotions. We can choose to affirm each other as women who do struggle and do sometimes make the wrong decision. And we can choose to keep our dignity in the midst of the roil of feelings that sometimes threaten to overwhelm us.

And one more thing. I can't tell you the number of times I have thought, I will never do that. I never COULD do that. But I've learned something. I have the capacity to hurt others. Sometimes on purpose. Sometimes out of my own pain. Someone once said, "Anyone of us, given the same set of circumstances, may respond in the same ugly way..." Humility admits that we've all made our stupid choices that have hurt someone in some way. Responsibility says that I sometimes contribute to my own pain. And dignity allows for me to give grace to those who harm me.

What do you think? How can we as women support each other, express our emotions, but not live life like a reality tv show??

Upon Sydney's 15th Birthday

our 15 year old told us last year that she wanted a purity ring some day. so...

For our dearest and sweetest Sydney upon her 15th Birthday -

Purity is a rare and wonderful thing
But Purity is not about Perfection
Rather, Purity is about the heart.

And you, our darling daughter, have a most
Pure Heart.

In the Bible, David is called
"One after God's Own Heart"
not because he was perfect,
but because he was Pure.

This gift is for your Past and for your Future
It is for every day of the Present...
To Remind you of your youthful innocence,
To Challenge you to keep your
Head on Straight
And to always take you back to
Your First Love,
Jesus

We couldn't be more proud to be your parents!
Happy Birthday!

The Christmas Letter that was never sent...

So. I sit here to write the annual greeting to the dear ones in our lives that have influenced our hearts over the years. What is it that keeps us connected? Some of you we’ve not seen or communicated with except at Christmas for almost a decade. Some of you are precious family members we wish we could see more often. Some are folks that we see around town and wish we had time to know better. And some are part of the dear community of friends with whom we share our daily lives. Regardless of how tenuous the ties are, we always pour over your cards, letters, and/or pictures, hungry to see and hear the news therein.

And I wonder. I wonder about those of you who sent pictures cards with stamped greetings and no messages. I wonder about those of you who wrote handwritten wishes for a happy season. And mostly, I wonder about those of you who sent letters chronicling your family’s victories and successes. And I wonder, because none of us writes at this time of year, about the difficulties. The private heartaches, the disappointments, the dreams that died slow deaths, the frustration of habits not broken, of resolutions not kept.

And as I sit here, pondering, I catch a glimpse of hope. Because reported or not, I know that each of us has experienced the sadness of living in a world that is not as it should be. And my heart resonates with the truth that God, who set it all in motion, who mourns with us over our brokenness, has found a way to set us free to grow into joy, into peace, and most of all into love.

Many of you may have read the book, Blue Like Jazz. In it Donald Miller tells of hearing a Navy Seal story about the dramatic rescue of hostages. When the soldiers noisily burst through the doors of the prison where the captives had been held for long years they came across a group of silent and bewildered people. A couple of the ragged group became angry and hostile. Unable to believe that the Americans were truly there to rescue them, they refused to follow their would-be heroes to freedom and instead, lay on the floor, cowering or cursing. Finally, one of the Seals had an idea. He put aside his weapon, quietly joined them on the cold concrete, and gazed gently into their eyes. After a time, the inmates began to trust him. When he calmly rose up and walked through the iron bars that had caged them for so long, the broken ones followed him to liberty.

This is the point that the author’s story ends. But I like to imagine what happened to those prisoners as they grappled with new-found freedom. I speculate about the times that they forgot that they no longer had to cower or curse in the face of oppression. I’m curious about the ones who sometimes longed for the safety of the cell over the daunting decisions of independence. And I consider myself to be one of them.

For many years, I made my goal in life to be “right”. I wanted to live the “right” way. It’s a noble goal, when you think about it, and in some ways it is a prison. But you know, I was born and raised in a spiritual home. I was Christian high school and college educated. I attended church regularly, taught Sunday school and started Bible Studies. I sang on worship teams, and went on missions trips. Eventually, I even attained a Master’s degree in ministry. I was encapsulated in a bubble that had me believing that I was part of the “us”, and most others were “them”. But the apostle Paul tells me, that “it's clear enough, isn't it, that we're sinners, every one of us, in the same sinking boat with everybody else? Our involvement with God's revelation doesn't put us right with God. What it does is force us to face our complicity in everyone else's sin.” With all the effort I put into my “involvement with God’s revelation” I missed out on something. The most important thing, the reason why we can’t wait to get your correspondence each year, is lost in the all consuming drive to be right.

Recently, Paul and I and one of his friends were talking about all of the wrongs in our world today. We talked about what the government should do, how the banks need to respond to the economic crisis, and how NATO could promote more peace on the planet. And then we began to talk about how change happens in society. And we decided that it must start with individual hearts, choosing love, choosing repentance, choosing humility, choosing kindness. The idea that came to us is that by trying to live life to be “right” we cannot always love. But in trying to live life to love, we can always be “right”.

And I realize, as I gaze back over the past twelve months that only by the Grace of God is that kind of love possible. Only when we are wooed by his kindness and compassion can we recognize the state of bondage we are in and only as we receive the incredible love He has for us can we possibly be free to accept the state that others are in without judgment or compromise.

And again, the apostle Paul reminds me: “It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom.” As I look at all of the beautiful pictures and read of the victories in your lives, it is tempting to think that none of you has known hardship this year, or struggled with doubt, or sinned knowingly.

And then, at the end of Galatians 5 I read, “Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.” And that hope of shared life in the Spirit stirs in my heart and emboldens me to share our original stories from 2008.