About "Drama"

As the mom of four teenage girls and a woman who likes to dissect her own feelings, I've experienced drama of many forms over the past few years. Some of it over clothes, some of it over boys (okay, often over boys), some of it over lunch tables, some of it over sleep overs, sometimes its about friends making bad choices, or making bad choices ourselves, sometimes its about parents (me!) or teachers being too strict or not strict enough, and sometimes it seems like its about nothing at all - girls just get bored.
The one thing that these incidents have in common is emotions gone wild. Like reality tv shows where young women flaunt their every disapointment and the more extreme the reaction the more vindicated they feel, the women (moms and daughters) of a small town sometimes fall prey to the temptation to let everyone know how outraged/hurt/betrayed/angry/martyred/ and most especially, JUSTIFIED they are to their pain.

The thing is, the pain is real. Love runs deep.

The thing is, real women experience deep emotion.

The thing is, we have a choice to make when we're in the midst of an emotional explosion (whether happy or sad).

The thing is, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to respond to those strong emotions.

So what do we do when a storm of deep feelings sweeps into our hearts and leaves us windblown and unanchored? Or, when a friend comes undone and drags us into the attempt to pull herself together?
I think there are probably as many answers to these questions as there are women to respond. Here's my thoughts:

First, we need to acknowledge that we all need/want/are designed to crave/ acceptance. When, for whatever reason mentioned above or any other issue, we experience loss, it HURTS!

And that pain can cloud our vision. It can drive us to do and say things that we don't really mean, but that allows us to take the focus off our own bleeding for the time it takes to cause someone else to bleed. It can lead us into a depression that skewers everything we look at and makes us believe that we'll never feel "normal" or we'll never be enough, or we'll always be too much...
And when a friend is in the midst of a crisis of the heart it is tempting to come to her side and swing angry words and ugly gossip. It is tempting to try to comfort someone's pain by causing pain...

But that pain can also lead us into a deeper understanding of the human condition and especially the emotion that unites us as women. Ultimately, we do have choices. We can choose to validate ourselves and our friends in the midst of deep emotions. We can choose to affirm each other as women who do struggle and do sometimes make the wrong decision. And we can choose to keep our dignity in the midst of the roil of feelings that sometimes threaten to overwhelm us.

And one more thing. I can't tell you the number of times I have thought, I will never do that. I never COULD do that. But I've learned something. I have the capacity to hurt others. Sometimes on purpose. Sometimes out of my own pain. Someone once said, "Anyone of us, given the same set of circumstances, may respond in the same ugly way..." Humility admits that we've all made our stupid choices that have hurt someone in some way. Responsibility says that I sometimes contribute to my own pain. And dignity allows for me to give grace to those who harm me.

What do you think? How can we as women support each other, express our emotions, but not live life like a reality tv show??