Paridigm Shift

What does it look like to love? I think it has to do with acceptance. With leaving space for people to be who they are and not rejecting them for the not fun parts. Perhaps within families, where expectations and selfishness run the highest it is most difficult to remember that space. Part of love is humility. It is recognizing that given the same set of circumstances we may respond the same way. How often have I measured someone else actions with the thought: "I would certainly never do that!"? Too many to count. And living in the same household with five teenagers and their wild assortment of friends, it is tempting to pass judgments right and left.
Not to say that there is no room for discernment and boundaries and accountability. But just to point out to myself, again, that nothing we do or do not do can ever make God love us anymore. So therefore, should it be that nothing they do or do not do can ever make me love them anymore? Often, I confess, this is not the case. I find my level of affection for my kiddos tends to rise and fall in direct correlation with the choices they make. I think this is tied to how much I am feeling at the moment that who they are is a reflection of who I am. It's pretty easy to get caught up in wanting them to be something so that I will feel good about myself as a mom. Or not wanting them to do something so that I won't have to feel guilty or responsible for their choices.
(Oh man, just re-reading this gives me pause about being so darn honest in my own insecurity and shortcomings. Oh well - not that many read this anyway! And those who do will, I hope, understand my heart)
Here's the thing. God loves me. In spite of my many shortcomings - he actually likes me. And the more I can open my heart up to receive the fondness he has for me, the more I can allow genuine fondness for my great kids and their fantastic friends to spill over into their hearts. The farther away from the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" I go, and the closer to authentic relationship I grow the less I have to worry about condemnation - of them or me.
It's taken me years and years of living under the chilly cloud of self-righteous comparison and contempt to begin to catch a glimpse of this other way of doing Christianity. My best friend, Chris, has always understood the preeminence of living out of a place of love. And actually, it has been his love for me in spite of my many betrayals - large and small - that has enabled me to begin the shift toward relationship rather than rules.
SO far to go. But what a blast it is to be learning these lessons in the laboratory of life with the fab five...